Bullies Aren't All Bad.
Well, life is nothing if not unpredictable.
This week, one of our kids came home from school scowling and grumpy. He went right to his room and read a book. Now, this isn't all that strange. When he has a day that just doesn't go his way, he will take some time to himself and reading is one of his favorite past times. I started to get some clues though that there was more to this when I asked him to come spend time with the family and he said that everything was boring. If there is one word to describe my family, boring would not be it. Stimulating, crazy, over the top, loud. Those are words that would be safe to use. But definitely not boring.
The second clue came when he asked my wife and I if he could change schools next year. We live in a small town, and there really aren't any options besides his current school. After a bit of gentle discussion and prodding (it's what we parents do best), it came out that two kids were particularly mean to him. It seems that these two incidents were independent of each other and just happened to be on the same day. The challenge is we know one of them, and not the other.
The title of this post refers to the one kid we know. He's not a bad kid. We know him fairly well through extra curricular activities and he has a good family. This is not the prototypical bully. He's outgoing, friendly, from a good home with good values. He does well in school and sports. He doesn't have a good reason to pick on my kid. But he did. He's not a bad kid. We talked to our son and tried to explain why kids bully each other. It would have been easier if we could have pinned his behavior on some external factor. "He comes from a troubled home". "He struggles in school". Something like that would have made sense to me. But we can't use those. I know this is frustrating and confusing for my son. It is also difficult to comprehend for my wife and I.
Our son is a great student. He's friendly and works hard in school and sports. He's not the kind of kid who should get picked on. But then, who should? Is there a kid out there that deserves to be the target of someone else's anger? This whole event is a first for us. And it hurts to be the parent trying to explain to a young kid why another good kid would say or do what they did. There is no logic to any of it.
So I've done what I could. I made sure my kid knew this was not his fault. He did nothing to deserve this. He knows he is loved at home and that he still has good friends who like him. I made sure he knows he's a good student. I've made an appointment with his teacher (who knew nothing about this when I booked the meeting). And we will see how it goes.
To reiterate, bullying is bad. But bullies are not necessarily bad people. There may not be a good reason why, and it is terribly frustrating to see my own kid go through this, but I am grateful for the support we have from family and friends. I can only hope that my kind words and friendship can make a difference in the life of someone the way others have blessed me.
This week, one of our kids came home from school scowling and grumpy. He went right to his room and read a book. Now, this isn't all that strange. When he has a day that just doesn't go his way, he will take some time to himself and reading is one of his favorite past times. I started to get some clues though that there was more to this when I asked him to come spend time with the family and he said that everything was boring. If there is one word to describe my family, boring would not be it. Stimulating, crazy, over the top, loud. Those are words that would be safe to use. But definitely not boring.
The second clue came when he asked my wife and I if he could change schools next year. We live in a small town, and there really aren't any options besides his current school. After a bit of gentle discussion and prodding (it's what we parents do best), it came out that two kids were particularly mean to him. It seems that these two incidents were independent of each other and just happened to be on the same day. The challenge is we know one of them, and not the other.
The title of this post refers to the one kid we know. He's not a bad kid. We know him fairly well through extra curricular activities and he has a good family. This is not the prototypical bully. He's outgoing, friendly, from a good home with good values. He does well in school and sports. He doesn't have a good reason to pick on my kid. But he did. He's not a bad kid. We talked to our son and tried to explain why kids bully each other. It would have been easier if we could have pinned his behavior on some external factor. "He comes from a troubled home". "He struggles in school". Something like that would have made sense to me. But we can't use those. I know this is frustrating and confusing for my son. It is also difficult to comprehend for my wife and I.
Our son is a great student. He's friendly and works hard in school and sports. He's not the kind of kid who should get picked on. But then, who should? Is there a kid out there that deserves to be the target of someone else's anger? This whole event is a first for us. And it hurts to be the parent trying to explain to a young kid why another good kid would say or do what they did. There is no logic to any of it.
So I've done what I could. I made sure my kid knew this was not his fault. He did nothing to deserve this. He knows he is loved at home and that he still has good friends who like him. I made sure he knows he's a good student. I've made an appointment with his teacher (who knew nothing about this when I booked the meeting). And we will see how it goes.
To reiterate, bullying is bad. But bullies are not necessarily bad people. There may not be a good reason why, and it is terribly frustrating to see my own kid go through this, but I am grateful for the support we have from family and friends. I can only hope that my kind words and friendship can make a difference in the life of someone the way others have blessed me.
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