Is letting go the same as giving up?
This post is about teenagers and the joys they bring in life...and the struggles. I was of course a teen once and I know I gave my parents enough headaches to last a life time. But it was different back then. I didn't have the internet in my pocket everywhere I went and I didn't have this unnatural longing to be connected to everyone all the time.
Now that I have teens, this seems to be a constant struggle. Keeping in touch with friends, texting, snapping and messaging at all hours and for reasons that I don't fully understand.
One of my children has a particularly tough time with this and we have endured a couple years of grounding him from his device, limiting hours, setting curfews, him sneaking the device, borrowing friends old devices etc. It is an obsession for him and it all came to a head recently. We caught him texting on his device that we were supposed to have locked up but he had snuck it at night. My wife and I talked about it, sought wiser outside advice and we were faced with two choices as far as we could see. Either we get more strict, or we ease up. This was not an easy decision.
On one hand, if we get more strict, do we risk alienating our child over a device? He wasn't necessarily using it for nefarious reasons, but he was certainly not following the rules. Was this worth another blow up or argument?
On the other hand, if we ease up, does this just allow him to make one bad decision after another?
In the end, we decided to ease up. I can't say for sure if this was the right choice, but it's the one we made. Joseph Smith said "I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves". We have spent this kids life teaching him correct principles. We have tried to model correct principles. We have explained consequences, both parent enforced and natural ones that they will face if they make bad choices. He is a smart kid so I know he understands. So we gave back the device and basically left it to him to decide his own usage of it.
So far, two things have happened.
1. He sleeps better at night. I think that before this, he was obsessing with how to get his device and keep in touch with friends. Now there isn't much stopping him.
2. And not surprising, he spends much more time on his device and participates less in life in general. We have reminded him of the life consequences of these
Now that I have teens, this seems to be a constant struggle. Keeping in touch with friends, texting, snapping and messaging at all hours and for reasons that I don't fully understand.
One of my children has a particularly tough time with this and we have endured a couple years of grounding him from his device, limiting hours, setting curfews, him sneaking the device, borrowing friends old devices etc. It is an obsession for him and it all came to a head recently. We caught him texting on his device that we were supposed to have locked up but he had snuck it at night. My wife and I talked about it, sought wiser outside advice and we were faced with two choices as far as we could see. Either we get more strict, or we ease up. This was not an easy decision.
On one hand, if we get more strict, do we risk alienating our child over a device? He wasn't necessarily using it for nefarious reasons, but he was certainly not following the rules. Was this worth another blow up or argument?
On the other hand, if we ease up, does this just allow him to make one bad decision after another?
In the end, we decided to ease up. I can't say for sure if this was the right choice, but it's the one we made. Joseph Smith said "I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves". We have spent this kids life teaching him correct principles. We have tried to model correct principles. We have explained consequences, both parent enforced and natural ones that they will face if they make bad choices. He is a smart kid so I know he understands. So we gave back the device and basically left it to him to decide his own usage of it.
So far, two things have happened.
1. He sleeps better at night. I think that before this, he was obsessing with how to get his device and keep in touch with friends. Now there isn't much stopping him.
2. And not surprising, he spends much more time on his device and participates less in life in general. We have reminded him of the life consequences of these
Oh man, this is something I'm not looking forward to at all!! But I'm glad you are back at your blog!
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